bonerparty: have you ever dated a girl who worked in a coffee shop? i know that reference might go over a few younger readers heads - shit - does anyone under 21 drink coffee? are there even coffee shops out there anymore? theres like four in the whole world or something. and i aint talking about some Starbucks girl (which is fine, dont get me wrong). i’m talking about the girl at the little corner place who “doesnt like bras” and “is really into Joanna Newsom”. those girls always had weed laying around and an equally hot room mate. it was fucking rad. most girls you can take to a bar and they’ll bring a flask and talk to you about ‘how much it sucks to be 29’ and if you DO get laid that night theres kind of a “oh, well, huh” afterwards. i mean, what do you say in 50 years when theres a “grandpa how did you meet grandma?” sort of thing? “well, billy, she begrudgingly let me put it in her after i plied her with $47 worth of mid-priced gin over a six hour conversation about The Murder City Devils”? but those fucking indie coffee shop girls? it was like Wifeville: Population Her. even if you were at some dive bar every time you hung out with them it felt like a fucking picnic in rural France in the 50’s and you thought the whole summer was going to be blowjobs and sundaes. it was like you were in a sitcom named “Spoonin’!” where the main characters were just you, her, and her cat Pickles (voiced from beyond the grave by John Candy). and then something shitty happens. like: you kind of, maybe, sort of, accidentally fell into another vagina. you were just walking along and this Very Mean Young Lady tripped you and you just fell penis first into her lady parts where the very definition of “myopic” was written on her vaginal walls. whoops! and then you fucked it up big time. and then she cried a whole bunch. or maybe you did. its ok to cry, fellas. just dont be eating when youre crying. thats just awkward for everybody. saw a dude cry at Subways one time. and he was making the sandwich. not cool. there is an end to all good things, sadly. which isnt to say there wont be others coming, but the secret to a good Long Term Boner Party is to remember what made it good in the first place, and when its over, its over, and when you gotta go you gotta go. because a perfect Boner Party can become a Moaner Party pretty easy. y’dig? (photo via jacobsknabb) bonerparty is like tyler durden, during the 2nd act of fight club. i’m still convinced it’s a real, separate identity, and everything i get told by it, is true and reallly profound in a weirdly shallow way. But I’m scared for what’s coming next… all that robert paulson shit, then funky slow motion sex with helena bonham carter… fuckit i’ll just shoot myself in the cheek now and get it over with. god bless bonerparty.

bonerparty:

have you ever dated a girl who worked in a coffee shop? i know that reference might go over a few younger readers heads - shit - does anyone under 21 drink coffee? are there even coffee shops out there anymore? theres like four in the whole world or something.

and i aint talking about some Starbucks girl (which is fine, dont get me wrong). i’m talking about the girl at the little corner place who “doesnt like bras” and “is really into Joanna Newsom”. those girls always had weed laying around and an equally hot room mate. it was fucking rad.

most girls you can take to a bar and they’ll bring a flask and talk to you about ‘how much it sucks to be 29’ and if you DO get laid that night theres kind of a “oh, well, huh” afterwards. i mean, what do you say in 50 years when theres a “grandpa how did you meet grandma?” sort of thing? “well, billy, she begrudgingly let me put it in her after i plied her with $47 worth of mid-priced gin over a six hour conversation about The Murder City Devils”?

but those fucking indie coffee shop girls? it was like Wifeville: Population Her. even if you were at some dive bar every time you hung out with them it felt like a fucking picnic in rural France in the 50’s and you thought the whole summer was going to be blowjobs and sundaes. it was like you were in a sitcom named “Spoonin’!” where the main characters were just you, her, and her cat Pickles (voiced from beyond the grave by John Candy).

and then something shitty happens. like: you kind of, maybe, sort of, accidentally fell into another vagina. you were just walking along and this Very Mean Young Lady tripped you and you just fell penis first into her lady parts where the very definition of “myopic” was written on her vaginal walls. whoops! and then you fucked it up big time. and then she cried a whole bunch. or maybe you did. its ok to cry, fellas. just dont be eating when youre crying. thats just awkward for everybody. saw a dude cry at Subways one time. and he was making the sandwich. not cool.

there is an end to all good things, sadly. which isnt to say there wont be others coming, but the secret to a good Long Term Boner Party is to remember what made it good in the first place, and when its over, its over, and when you gotta go you gotta go. because a perfect Boner Party can become a Moaner Party pretty easy. y’dig?

(photo via jacobsknabb)

bonerparty is like tyler durden, during the 2nd act of fight club. i’m still convinced it’s a real, separate identity, and everything i get told by it, is true and reallly profound in a weirdly shallow way. But I’m scared for what’s coming next… all that robert paulson shit, then funky slow motion sex with helena bonham carter… fuckit i’ll just shoot myself in the cheek now and get it over with. god bless bonerparty.

Notes

  1. foxbat reblogged this from bonerparty
  2. lukesimcoe reblogged this from katerpotater and added:
    The guys at bonerparty are really uppin’ the ante as of late. This is pure stream of consciousness gold.
  3. katerpotater reblogged this from bonerparty
  4. bookselves reblogged this from bonerparty and added:
    can’t call yourself...“barista” without...certification. So...
  5. inappropria reblogged this from bonerparty and added:
    post. Having gone...hippie college (and spent part of my childhood
  6. pash1z reblogged this from sugarcreamcandy
  7. sugarcreamcandy reblogged this from goodluckspider
  8. goodluckspider reblogged this from ak47
  9. ak47 reblogged this from suyhnc
  10. photomuzik reblogged this from suyhnc and added:
    and i aint talking about some Starbucks girl (which is fine, dont get me wrong). i’m talking about the girl at the...
  11. kz56cd reblogged this from suyhnc
  12. minusnmim reblogged this from suyhnc
  13. suyhnc reblogged this from mrmozorising
  14. mrmozorising reblogged this from nedhepburn and added:
    Elvira! è l’ora del te! me! te! nedhepburn:henryeatspeople:bonerparty:...have you ever...
  15. lazybirds reblogged this from bonerparty
  16. finetuning reblogged this from bonerparty
  17. merveilles reblogged this from verypleasure
  18. jessicaannnielsen reblogged this from paperchilton
  19. caracasbgirl-woman reblogged this from sahil
  20. smutandeggs reblogged this from missdelphine
  21. paperchilton reblogged this from bonerparty
  22. missdelphine reblogged this from jacobsknabb
  23. tunnels reblogged this from bonerparty
  24. amandamerritt reblogged this from bonerparty
  25. fixation reblogged this from bonerparty and added:
    provide here, whatsoever.
  26. 63words reblogged this from bonerparty and added:
    i’ve been so discouraged with trying to...this is strangely motivational
  27. theeheadspace reblogged this from sarahcrump and added:
    This is why record store girls have better luck than coffee shop girls. We don’t go for n00bs like this fuckin guy.
  28. effietowell reblogged this from urbanredneck
  29. verypleasure reblogged this from bonerparty
  30. the-equiatic-bind reblogged this from davidpress
  31. quaxxx0r reblogged this from bonerparty
  32. heathonist reblogged this from bonerparty
  33. sahil reblogged this from bonerparty and added:
    tyler durden, during...2nd act of fight club....still...
  34. kristinky reblogged this from bonerparty and added:
    amazing to read.
  35. foxbat reblogged this from bonerparty
  36. harajukudays reblogged this from bonerparty
  37. katherinealbin reblogged this from bonerparty and added:
    there. The most fantastic post I’ve read
  38. davidpress reblogged this from bonerparty
  39. istaywoke reblogged this from nedhepburn and added:
    anything Prince FTW
  40. boffing reblogged this from bonerparty and added:
    thinking all deep...boner party now, but man, isn’t
  41. andeventhis reblogged this from bonerparty
  42. urbanredneck reblogged this from bonerparty
  43. nedhepburn reblogged this from henryeatspeople and added:
    aww thanks, hendo!
  44. sarahcrump reblogged this from bonerparty
  45. henryeatspeople reblogged this from bonerparty and added:
    best Bonerparty post I think I’ve ever read. Other than...awesome Ned… seriously...
  46. bonerparty reblogged this from jacobsknabb and added:
    have you ever dated a girl who worked in a coffee shop? i know that reference might go over a few younger readers heads...
  47. jacobsknabb posted this